The bubbly-ism is more or less similar with babbler-ism.  Unlike babbler-ism, I would refer the bubbly-ism to someone I know, not some stranger on the bus talking how to be rich kind of thing.  Some bubblies is a real good friend, while some is just too shallow to be one.  Here's my story.

It was always a wonder how I always ended up with someone so bubbly and friendly by which I don't think I have anything in common with them.  Well, they say opposite attracts.  Let's talk this in the scope of friend-friend kind of way, not lovey-dovey kind of thing.

Here are some significant example. 

High-school era

I never like high-school, never enjoyed high-school, never really borther about high-school.  For me, high school is just full of craps and fake kids who are so obsessed with Guess, Renoma, Esprit, and Tropicana who brag about all the brands when in the first place, everything they purchased comes from their dearest mummy and daddy's wallets.  I am a misfit in a whole bunch of wannabees.  Ermm -- let's rephrase it.  I'm a nerd-o and geek-o in a whole bunch of THE Subang Jaya's.

This is the era where Naz and Sya came into the pic.  Both is very bubbly, funny, and super friendly I might say.  When they're a bunch of kinda-good-looking gals in the school, seeing me with thick spectacles and timid attitude just doesn't really fit with them.  Not that I'm really within their circle anyway, since I have my very own small circle, but somehow we've become acquainted since we're in the same class -- and that's how I ended up spending quite a time with them, and going to the same tuition as them and endless hours of phone conversations.  

I know it's been quite a long time ago, but somehow "things" flashes back, and well -- when "things" flashes back, very rarely the "thing" is a good one ait...  It's just a fake friendship, full of unnecessary detail, with them talking a LOT about boys and their appearance and the-so-called-wannabe-girls who grabs the attention of their crushes, while most of the time, I have to bear with their gossips and try to be a good listener and move on with it.  Well, being a good listener really sux when it affected my entire system long after the "listening" thing takes place -- like today...  

Univ era

During these years, there's plenty of bubblies that I get to know.  Most of them became a really good friend, while some -- err -- just too bubbly for me to get along with.

We'll begin with the bubbliest of all, Kak Ayu.  Very bubbly indeed, and despite the fact that I used to trash about her in one of my entries, somehow YM-ing with her yesterday really makes me misses her bubbliness. 

Kak Ayu is a very good example of bubbly-ism beholder, but at the same time, you won't really know who she really is despite of all the bubbliness.  In other words, she is not the shallow bubbler unlike the one during high-school era.  An interesting person with pleasant personality, when sometimes her bubbliness can really hurt you, but if she is a really good person, you'll forget about the entire issue and will move on with them as a good friend.

Si Kudut is also another bubbler that became a good friend.  While she could be very sarcastic at times, but all in all, when you're down or cried because the supervisor just mock at your group's entire semester project, she'll be by your side and cheer you up.   

So, I can say that the bubbly-ism during univ era is not such a bad experience compared to the previous one.

Career-freak era

Now this is very recent.  Once again in my life, I've encountered another bubbler who -- well -- it's Ana.  I'm not sure what life has to offer me with all this, but I'm starting to realise that in every stage of my life, the bubblies will always be acquainted with me, and somehow, whether I like it or not, the bubblies will get along quite well with me, the silent listener.  Well, not anymore really.  Due to my previous experiences with all the bubblies, I learn to be more open and adapt to the different bubblies that I met. 

Again, very recently, Ana called me a fake just because I defended my choice to stay alone for the weekend while she goes back to KL running around with her affairs to the married guy cum a so-called-good-friend cum her-so-called-first-love.  So, that's our first SMS fight throughout 1year of friendship in this desolate place.  Well, she can call me whatever she wants -- like once she called me "takde life" or "hypocrite" or "fake", but at least I don't go round having affairs and kissing other other people's husband.  THAT's my justification of the day!

So, despite the fact that I sound as if I really loathed her at some areas, and despite that I would never be her best friend, but somehow -- err -- miraculously -- we get along quite well until today.  Somehow I accepted her with all her annoying bubbliness and nasty words, and she seems to accept me although I'm a fake or hypocrite or ke"takde-life"an aku.  It's a weird thing, you hate 'em, but you enjoy being around 'em kind of thing.  Hate is a strong word, I don't really hate her, I only despise SOME of her attitudes.

Do you peep realise that guys easily attracted to the bubblies?  I mean they talk a lot, they really cheer the guys, they make something sound interesting, and they can throw you their points and justification and make you believe all that although the facts can be quite the opposite.  I'm a bubblies observer -- I know that, and I know the feeling being a non-bubblies.  The bubblies will have plenty of guys chasing after them asking them out for dinner, while I only have this one guy who called me beruk and in return, I called him gemuk, pendek, busuk, pondan, and si sotong who'll be mad at me just because I didn't send him 10 SMS per day -- it's a fcuking stupid SMS!

Ohhh, I feel so down!

Oh...aku ingin sangatnyerrr terbang pergi jauuhhhh... uhuk uhuk.

Yesterday I pass-by some of the ex-UM's engineering people and ex-SRSS19's friendster's.  Most of the biomed eng peeps further their studies in Australia and few continue working partially-abroad Malaysia-Japan.  On the other hand, most of the classmates kelas darjah 6 Ramah Mesra  almost completed their over-the-sea studies.  One is in French, some in Germany, another one in Europe, there's one guy in Britain or somewhere around that region.  While the rest is scattered in UiTM all around Malaysia. 

Darn!  Looking at other people's profiles is really devastating.  It can really get me green with envy!!  Why do they have to put the over-sea pic there..  Darn you people!  Hoho~

Despite the fact that my passport already expires aaggeess ago, the only 'abroad' places that I've been to is -- Singapore, and Mid East, and does Sabah/Sarawak counts?  Singapore is a norm for every raya, while the mid-east part lasts for only for 2 weeks, and it's like 8 years ago!  So, the feeling of bragging "I've been to oversea" thing does not apply to me anymore. 

I've been giving it a thought.  If I really really really want to do the 'abroad' thing, it's either to pursue master or doctorate there, or simply for the sake of a holiday.  The first option is being put on hold since I prefer gaining extra experience working rather than terus amik master and big possibility of dragging along the attitude during bachelor degree years -- which I-so-dislike.  Which attitude you're asking?  The one who loves to study for the sake of exams only, the one who will totally forget the entire semester's lecture after passing exams, the one who memorize, the one who is unorganised, the one that will do the head banging during lectures, the one who is only enthusiastic during the first few lectures, the one who are not prepared for class -- and hell no, I don't want to bring all that along.  I need to train moi-self.  And that would need a whole-lot-of-time!

While the second option seems more tantalizing -- but somehow the financial status would not be tantalizing enough.  As simple as that.  So, I guess, the 'abroad' thing would not come true at the moment.

Anyway, what is it with 'being to abroad' that people so-looking-forward to?  Ana said "It's like being a Bangla in Malaysia."

How true la..  But still, the idea of looking very different from everyone around is interesting.

*      *      *

My boss is weird.  I realise I've been complaining about him more and more these past few month.

The day before yesterday, he asked me to figure out the most cheapest solution of box packaging for this particular Japan customer who freaked out since the Big People up there decided to close down our Japan branch.

But the thing is, we're not a BOX company.  We're a moulded fibre company who is there to help customer protect their industrial parts.  So, how the hell am I suppose to know the cost calculation for a box?

So, he explained something about the box layout and stuff.  So, the next day, when tediously I tried to do the box layout in 3d, he came to my place and say "well, why do you do that?  I don't want that.."  And I feel like munching him so much.

Even Ana over-heard his conversation with me yesterday, and she understood the same thing as me.  So, is it me who is non-understandable, or it's him?

On the same day, he tegur Ana for SMS-ing too much.  Ngaaa??  Now, SMS-ing is a crime??  Ana didn't have any project that day, so -- what do you expect her to do?  Act busy?? 

His idea of work when there's no work is try to look busy by concentrating too much to the computer screen.  Lame--oo..

And I realise his way of trying to get along with other people is by using words that kinda mocking / intimidating.  Like the one he used on me last time -- which could really kill someone's determination.  He's been doing that quite a number of time.

Well, next time looking for a job, try to look for one that doesn't require you to be in the same room with the person you're reporting to.  And it's never easy being a person-in-charge.

You see?  That's why I can't wait to get away from this cocoon, although I'll be a-Bangla-wannabe in other regions~

Last Saturday went back to KL since my family decided to do the family-gathering thing at Bagan Lalang Sepang.  I never knew the Sepang-with-pantai.  I only knew Sepang-with-the-car-racing thing.

Unfortunately, Azmul's call for interview falls on that day too.  Due to his lost bike incident, seems like my kuda-sakti is the only reliable transportation available.  Well, you can't really rely on public transport in Pasir Gudang these days.  It's either the taxi -- way too expensive; or the bus -- which doesn't come according to the time stated, or they simply didn't pass by the area that we wanted to go.

So, to go back to KL at 11.30am on Saturday is quite tiring considering you have to get back to Pasir Gudang on Sunday 4.00pm.  That would total up to approximately 28.5 hours to enjoy in KL.  Ajer??  Iye, ajer.. And minus 8 sleeping hours, that would be like 20.5 hours left.  Normally, I would go back to KL at Friday night, so I can buy more time leisurely resting at the house and at the same time still able to slot in one-two ronggeng-rokiah activities.

Anyway. enough with the Saturday-Sunday thingy.  That's not what I wanted to tell in the first place.

During the 5 hours journey, I was destined to sit next to this over-friendly-blabbering guy.  My mistake -- since I'm the one started the conversation thing.  To think about it, it's not even a conversation!  I was just asking him if he want to switch place with me since he's bringing some kind of baju melayu johor in some plastic bag, so I was considerate enough to give him the window seat so that it's easier for him to hang his clothes.

Oh well, he started the conversation by asking the basic questions, and I tried to reply as friendly as I could.  Somehow, from some basic intro, WE (it's actually HE) started talking about all those rahsia jutawan or cara-cara menjadi jutawan or the books of jutawan or marketing or making business of your own.  Despite the fact I have a dream to build my own line of business, I find talking to this guy-who-is-a-teacher-married-with-one-kid is simply useless.  It's a one way conversation, and he's only really interested to market his own business and not really asking any of my opinion.  And although he claimed that he read a lot of books about how to make money, and despite the fact that I love books, I'm not really impressed with his yakey-yakety-yaks since - duh - he's on a bus!!

So, after getting really really tired and annoyed with all the jutawan-jutawan crap talk for hours, I was trying very hard to stop talking to him.  What I did is something like "Uh hum..hm..hmm" after each of his sentences and do not bother to really further the conversation.  Well, being and overly friendly person can really kill the person who has to listen -- me! 

SInce the "Uh hum.. Hmm.. Hmm" thing did not work, I tried another method -- pura-pura deeply immersed in my book with the hope that he understood that I'm not really interested to lenghten the yawning conversations.  But, as if my hidden messages did not convey to him, he continue babbling after each sentences that I manage to read.  Imagine 10 babblings per sentence!!  That is getting super-beyond-belief-annoying!

So, I just shut my books, trying to get on my dreamland.  It's a 5 hours journey, dude!  I can't stand 5 hours sitting next to The Babbler!!  I thought the annoying act stops there, but unfortunately -- I am super-duper-wrong!

Everytime I almost doze of to the dreamland, The Babbler strikes again.  Oh my God!!  I think since I'm getting really tired, I'm not even sure when I actually fall asleep (finally).  And when I woke up, he's already in his dreamland.  So, I was trying very hard not to wake him until we reach KL.

Well, not only his babling ability really getting on my nerves, he snores too!!  Ho ho.. there you go -- the unfortune series of The Journey with The Babbler cum The Snory...

So, remind me not to take the 11.30am bus again.  11.30am is like the most hyper-active time a human can be.  Next time, I'll take the night bus -- where everyone is deeply asleep and don't really care if the next person wants to be a millionaire or not.

And I guess super-friendly-person aka The Babblers is not so great after all.  You really have a very high tendency to annoy the other party.  The first 10 minutes, people might adore you.  But not after that.  Thankful enough, I am not one of these people.  Hoho!

Azmul lost his motorbike last week.  He was as the CC, constantly keeping his eyes on the bike parked outside.  First head-turn, it's still there.  Second head-turn, it's still there.  Third head-turn, it's still there.  Okie, this is going nowhere.  While busy filling up the online forms for his resume, and on one fateful head-turn, pooff -- it's no longer there..

The thing about Azmul-in-depressed-mood is that: it's driving me crazy!!  NO, he did not blabber or whine about his lost bike like most people would do, instead, he just keep friggin' quiet, and acting cool and composed, when I know that in reality, he's damn worried about the whole thing.  It's his sole transportation, his liver and blood veins in this alien place.  And he still can act cool about the whole thing?  People said that this kind of people is veryy dangerous.  They keep suppressing their anger, until one time, when they couldn't contain it anymore -- kebabbooo -- nobody knows what they might do next.

When I suggest that he report this to the police, he rejected the idea.  He was thinking of looking for some stolen bike at a cheaper price and he knows plenty of people a.k.a his friends that do that kind of job.  Garu kepala aku dengar~

Right now, Azmul is in depressed mood level 3.  Although he's still not bringing up the issue of his lost property often, but he's beginning to lose his air of confidence.  He states that all he needed to regain back his stability is : balik kampung.  He have no drive to continue searching for another prospective job here, and no initiative to get out from the house to get some fresh air, and now he's complaining that he feels like a prisoner in the house, when he's the one 'prisoning' himself by shutting from the outside world.  So, hang balikla kampung!

It's a wonder how we both manage to end up with each other.  He's is not exactly what I had in mind of an ideal partner.  I mean, I'm a lady of principles, while he's a man with a totally different lifestyle.  When he's the type that throws garbage ikut sukati tok-ayah dia, I'm the type who'll either snap at him for doing that, or just pick it up, and put it in the proper place -- the dustbin.  When my circle of friends covers those that can be called baekk punyer, his circle of friends includes encik polis yang makan rasuah or hisap ganja or crazy dude that do the nude-running thing in the kampung or pencuri motor or stupid guys that keeps screwing up their girlfriends.  When I'm the type that tries to speed up whenever there's a chance, he's the type that'll drive veerryyy slow until it feels like you need to cover the face from the embarassment with other road users.  You see what I'm trying to tell?

Back then, when I thought I found the ONE and ONLY guy that meet my idea of a perfect partner yang sangatlah baik and alim, I screw it up.  So, I should to be thankful enough that at least I have someone who can make me laugh sampai tergolek.  I can't whine much about that, can I?

*   *   *

Any of you peeps watch Manjalara at TV3?  I don't know why I got glued to the show despite the fact that the extra flabs looks too artificial.  How can you not say it's artificial when it is so obvious that the wardrobe people just crammed her oversized shirt with some stocky-lame type of pillows, and the flabs looks so pudgy and soft.  It's hilarious when a character that is supposed to act as some oversized obese sufferer have a body too big for the head.  In other words, the size of her head does not synchronise with the exaggerated body size. 

And why do they have to create a very cliche character of oversized people?  All those 'macam-buduh-act' or 'I'm-too-fat-I-can't-use-my-brain-to-think' or 'I'm-fat-and-I-don't-mind-being-bullied' or 'i'm-fat-so-somebody-need-to-defend-me-cause-I-can't-defend-myself' thing?  Why la, why la, why la do they have to make all XXL people look so stupid and unintelligent and urrghh -- it's pathetically too cliche and so NOT TRUE!

I'm emotional because I used to be fat once.  I'm not ashamed of it, because I am still the way I am although my weight scale shifted from optimum to overweight to underweight.  (I'm underweight now if you're wondering).  I've been through all 3 phases, and I'm still the way I am.  I don't have to be stupid just because I'm overweight.  It's the survival rule man!

And I really hate it when they do the cliche of fat-people-talking thing.  You watch Manjalara and Cinta Kolestrol, and you'll know what I mean.  All those squeaky gedik kind of talk is really getting on my nerve.  I mean, I've met XXL people, I've been XL myself, and most oversized people have some kind of a very tough kind of voice.  You want an example, see how powerful the singing voice of Adibah Noor?  Make that the mark.

It's weird when they make the drama of this fat girl become thin after extensive workout, and out of the blue, all the 'macam buduh' act vanishes, and she became a civilised slim girl and now they have the 'ala diva' act? 

Dear movie/drama makers, if you wanna make a movie about obese people, make it real!!  You don't have to disgrace fat people.  Look at Ugly Betty, she's ugly, but she's tough.  The ugliness makes her excell with her survival skill.  That's how you can make us feel entertained!

*   *   *

I'm beginning to find my social life since started working as depressing~

I miss the good ol' times back in uni when the friends covers those from 1st college, to Eng CAD/CAM to Eng Manuf to Eng Mechy to Eng Materials to Eng Electricals to Eng Biomed to those from education dept to science fac to literature fac and the list goes endlessly.

Now, the friends covers Azmul, Ana, colleague at workplace, and Azmul, and Azmul again, and Ana, and Azmul, and Ana...  See -- I feel socially retarded.

Even if I wanna get back in touch with all the people I knew in uni life, it's just not the same anymore.  One thing is because here I am, in Pasir Gudang, while most of them lucky enough to get the post in KL or somewhere not that far to KL.  And do I need to mention, this girl is kahwin-ing, that one is kahwin-ing to, and ohh there, another kahwin-ing going on.  So, it's just the exact point in life everybody starts building a totally new lifestyle and here I am feeling so left out from everybody. 

I am pathetically a depressing case of a solitary monster attack.

I think I'm going to sleep with Mike..
Err...sleep as in just sleep next to him doing nothing, or as in sleep with the 'extra activity'?
Sleep as in s e x. 

How would you react to that?  I was caught off-guard with her statement.  The 'she' here is a Muslim girl whose boyfriend is a German, who says that her target in life is to be good human being.  She says "I might never a good Muslim, so, the only target I'm trying to achieve is just to be a good human being.  Somebody who stated they're a good muslim or a muslim fighter kills themselves and harm others in the name of jihad.  I can never accept that concept.  I wanna be a good human being regardless of what religion they are, regardless which believes they follow.  I am not supporting the idea of 'responsibilty to kill non-muslims' because all of us are human being after all, and harming another human/soul given by God is not my idea of a peaceful and harmony way of life."

She's a very close friend of mine at the office, and I love talking to her.  The best thing is that both of us are able to talk about the most controversial issues and take it as a subject to learn, not as something too taboo to talk about -- like most of us would do.  She's a very brilliant girl, and she is very clear about anything that she's doing.  So, is she very clear about her decision now?

Okay..  err, s e x as in penetration?  Are you sure you wanna be committed that way? (still not sure how to put it properly).
This time I'm giving the real one to Mike, not the orals anymore.  I mean our lives when in German is no difference like a husband and wife.  The only difference would be that I'm not allowing him to enter me, and we're not married.  Marriage to me is bigger that having s e x.  Marriage is not just about 'menghalalkan persetubuhan'.  It's about responsibility, to live with the other person throughout your life, it's about loyalty.  It's too biggie deal, I don't think I'll be married yet at the time being.  No, not now.  While on the other hand, virginity is just a 'thing' to me.  What's important is inside me, the feelings, the heart which is not visible to anyone.
Why - with the change of principals? 
Well, I asked Mike how frequently he 'let it out', he said once a week.  But later he admitted that it's actually everyday, right after talking to me on the phone.  He's too loyal, and I'm still not ready for marriage, and I know I'm torturing him.  It's such a long time, 7 freaking years he hold himself.  7 years in a surrounding where he can play hookie with anyone, but 7 year he stays and wait for me.  He already asked for marriage, but i'm still not ready for that.  So, I wanna give it, a let he be satisfied with it. 
But at least, he appreciate you for who you are, not for how you perform in bed. 
I know.  But, I don't want to torture him anymore.  I'm guilty enough for rejecting his proposal.
Well... Are you really really really sure about all that?
Quite sure.  If I can't do it, I'll just back-out at the last minutes.  But if I do, I'll bring back home some ulat putih Sarawak for you.  Hahaha..
Siut jer.  Anyway, I can't make the decision for you.  No matter what I say, the sole decision maker would be you.  After all, I'm not good at giving advice, and I'm not such a great pious person myself.  You know that.  Just be sure of what you're doing, and don't regret it later. 

So -- why didn't I stop her?  To be frank, I know her.  No matter what I say, or what other people might say, she won't budge from her decision.  I can say "what you're doing is wrong" or "it's a sin" or yakety-yakety yak, but I'm not eligible enough to say all that because I'm a living proof of a hypocrite myself. 

In addition to that, if a woman tells you something, or ask for your opinion, the only REAL thing she's asking is just an ear to lend, a supportive hands to agree on whatever decision she'll made.  Quoted by Si Kudut, when a lady friend asked for your opinion, she herself already have the answers.  All she really wanted is someone to agree with her.

She's old enough to know which is best for her.  She's even mature than I am.  I'll never think of her as some cheap slut or something after all that, because who knows, in the future I might not be the same person typing all this. 

For me, no matter what other people might say, in the end, you are the one with power to switch the button.  To the right, to the left, up or down.  No matter which draft angles you choose, it's all -- in your hands. People might tell which is which, but we are responsible for ourself.. and dear God does give us the brain to think, the heart to feel, to physical shape to experience.  Use the brain!

I was really hoping -- she'll return back without the ulat putih Sarawak.