It's been a while.  For weeks I've been haunted with this particular project that requires me to design 4 full module tooling with another additional 2 full module for design improvisation, and the design lead time for one full module is 10 days.  Get the picture?  10 days per full module, so how many days does it take for 6 full module?  Hell, no i'm not going to spend 2 months of my time doing that crap.  Like I always said, hidup kena ada strategy -- and that strategy is how i managed to cope all that in - say - 3 weeks? 

Enough talk with work.  I've used up most of the energy for work.  I have no lust to spend the time bitching around the shopping complex (i'm broke -- what do u expect), no tendency to cook or festively eat-in or out -- i just want some time by myself, with my books, my tv shows, my friends, my dreams, and contructing plans for my future.  Azmul can't seem to see things my way this past few weeks -- and it's getting harder for me to understand him, let alone try to entertain him while at the same time trying ensure that our relationship is based on the guidelines supposed to be followed by a Muslim.

However, it seems like Azmul is trying to eat up all my precious free time by telling me that I should spend more time with him while he's still working in JB.  I mean -- hallo, we're not married yet for God's sake.  What is the point spending time together 24-7 while we still have that freedom by holding up our bachelor/bachelorettes title.  It's a different story when marriage comes in.  Marriage is some kind of commitment that u are binded to satisfy your partner yadda yadda yadda.  When you're married, then u'll spend 24-7 with your partner -- imagine 24 hours 7 days a week seeing the same face every single day!  I'm not going to waste my limited freedom by acting like we're married when we're not.  It's so pathetic.

I should blurt out all this whining in womensaver's site.  They have some kind of forum to discuss about all this problem how guy's can be such a jerk and way's to get to know if that guy is really into you, or only really interested to enter you.  I'm being a bit bold here, but that's a fact.  I would prefer spending time talking about things that I like - about books, about the collegues, about funny stuff that happens in the workplace, about the unfulfilled dreams, about future plans, about religion, about being modest, to feel like somebody is protecting us, taking care of us -- while Azmul prefers to spend time alone with just the two of us, and watching TV at my place, and cook, then eat, and always always finding excuses to stay and sleep at the empty room.  Boring kan???  I mean -- if u wanna spend time with me, find some useful activities for us to spend together, exercise ke, socialising ke -- ini tidak.  His head is filled with this imaginary idea that spending time with just the two of us is the best.  Pervert betul..~  It's even more annoying when he look into the distant when I'm talking to him, and didn't listen to my words, and expect me to listen to his.  Check this out > womensaver.

Eii, headache betul cakap pasal Azmul.  It's been our 3rd biggest fight ever since almost 2 years of this painful relationship.  And this my 3rd attempt to break up with him.  The 1st one, i asked for it cause he keeps on taking up my time for my studies and can't seem to understand my priorities with my studies, but we ended up getting back together like magnet since I can't find anybody that I can talk all those gedik-gedik kind of talk.  The 2nd one I might say a very peaceful break-up, but then he came to see me the next day crying and pursuing me not to go on with the break-up and he'll promised this and that.  And now, the promise is broken, he blame me and my ego for everything that went wrong in the relationship and our relationship is very cold now.  He even called me stupid and no-brainer and too stupid to think about stuff -- and still have the guts to come back and cry in front of me and say sorry.  Fake~

I'm exhausted..  For those with similiar problems as mine you should go to this womensaver site.  Maybe I should even post Azmul's photo in this site to let other people test him.. Evil kan..

The bottom line is, I keep on giving him chances because me myself fear the idea of being alone, being single.  Separated from good friends and stranded in this alien country, with family far from being close -- it's just scary to be lonely.  And it seems like he is the one that is always around to listen to me whine this and that and the one that will offers me company whenever I want to.

But -- after going to the motivational camp at Ulu Tiram, and being given a glimpse of death, and the chance to still breath in this world -- the idea of being lonely is much better then to live in life full of people and fill the days with corrupted acts.  

Last Saturday, had an accident -- a lorry hit my car.  It's not too major but not too minor, the bumper and the back side is all torn up.  When I told Azmul about this, the first question he asks me is "Teruk ke keretanya?"  Am I being too emotional?  I was expecting something like "Haa...really??  So, are you OK?  Are you hurt? Anybody hurt?"  I should wake up from all those perfect boyfriend fantasy.  There's none..

Should I leave somebody who called me bodoh, takda otak, and tak pandai berfikir?

Or should I stay with him and try to change him to a better person?

I mean -- i know him when he is a nothing.  Now he's doing his practical, pursuing career in technical fields, and I'm proud to be part of his achievements.  He's not some pathetic orang kampung that spends time at kedai kopi perabih duit beli rokok anymore.  But at the same time, it's just so painful to continue the idea of "the two of us."

BATU PAHAT: The big announcement as to who is the country's top Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia scorer will only be announced today but the excitement was already in the air yesterday around Nadia Amira Jamil's school.

Fifty pennants adorned a two-kilometre stretch of road leading to SMK Tun Sardon Rengit here, congratulating the 18-year-old, for doing her family and school proud by scoring 19As in last year's examination.

Rengit state assemblyman Ayub Jamil said the state government had spent RM3,000 on the pennants. (more..)

Huh?  Pblerghh --- puuhhleeessseeee lah~  I mean, RM3000 thrown for that thing??  Ok, it's good enough for her to score 19A, but why must spend so much for the pennants...???  MIght as well the RM3000 donated to various welfare / charity organisation yang melambak all around the world.  Aduhai -- It's just SPM for God's sake.  Sorry if my coming statement might intimidate some people, but the only thing I gain struggling from my SPM is improvisation to my Mathematical skills -- nothing more.  Yeah, maybe I have the basics of physics, biology, chemistry, history, and whatsoever.  But then, theories is simply useless without full utilisation of the knowledge -- it's nothing minus the practicals -- it's nothing if u can't apply all that in your life -- it's nothing if u can't contribute your knowledge to the society -- Uurghh, RM3000 for the stoopid pennants is driving me nuts!  What is it with our community nowadays!

My boss and his white Satria

Gile dasyat boss aku nih!!  Just now me and Ana had lunch with him -- well technically he's not the big boss, in fact he is just our superior and the head of department.  So, while driving along the highway with his high speed car and recently changed tyres, he's speeding all the way -- but in a good way, he didn't try to overtake other people dangerously. 

Somehow, this one tiny white Kancil appear out of the blue and overtake my boss in a very dangerous position.  He didn't even make the effort to give any signals.  And my boss ended up honking the white Kancil with a "hhhhoooooooooooooonnnnkkk" kind of honk.  You see the impression I'm trying to make?

Anyway, me as a passenger in that car do feel intimidated with the rude white Kancil -- dan apatah lagi perasaan Encik Boss as the driver.  However, unexpectedly, the boss overtake that white Kancil again -- dangerously -- same as the white Kancil did to him, and he annoys that white Kancil by driving 5km/h in front, with no space for the white Kancil to overtake.  Until the Kancil honk back at the boss's white Satria with a "hhhoooooooooooooooooonnnnnnkkkk" kind of sound until we've reached our simpang.

Luckily, for my boss, the Kancil is heading to the same direction, and still not willing to give up, my boss continues to intimidate the Kancil and keeps on cucuk-cucuk (a term most driver would know) the Kancil until we've reached our destinition.  Actually there's more of the cucuk-cucuk thing going on, but then everything happens in split seconds that it's hard for me to explain everything in one shot.

I was holding to my seat -- terrified woo -- and I bet Ana would feel the same too.   Gile saspen.

Well -- nothing happens.  No car crash, no scratches.  Alhamdulillah lah sangat!  Evidently both driver is quite professional.  But then -- whoaaaaaaaaa -- gemuruh siot!!

I used to race with my boss along highway Pasir Gudang, but all that is just for fun, and nothing as serious as today. My boss at the same time already measures my capabilities and he's not mencucuk-cucuk as dasyat as what he did with the white Kancil.  I know -- I'm not within his league.

My boss says to the white Kancil, "Eheh..silap orang laa -- "

Remind me not to race with him again. 

A long long time ago, I've been tagged.  Ahak ~  Sorry for the delay, new project starts coming in -- and my time in the office is spent verryy wisely (err, except for this moment).  Hey, I need a break too.  One week in a row staring at the computer screen for 8.5hours daily -- whoever eyes can stand the pain, then ommbakk to you.

Here goes..

RULES: People who are tagged should write a blog post of 6 weird things about them as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says 'you are tagged' in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

Err, by the way -- can I charge US dollars for this entry?  Ahaha - no - joking.. But seriously, can I?

What is so weird about me?  Well, I'm not sure if the stuff below is considered weird, just that it is rarely displayed in public.  And I think most people actually do it discreetly.

1) Lone talker
I talk to myself too when I'm alone -- hey hey, no surprise.  Especially when I'm doing some mathematical equation, there I go saying "Ini tambah ini darab ni dapat satu dua tiga sooo jawapannye kena bahagi dengan tujuh dapatlah bla bla .."  and that's the entertainment my friend got when doing their math homework with me.  Which I'm still questioning until today -- what is so funny about that? -- peh~  Even when I'm typing, the words fly by my head, and my mouth kinda moves according to what I was thinking and no sounds came out.  That's what people call an act of an "org bisu trying to talk" -- haha.  I guess I inherited this so-called-weirdness from my emak.  At first I kinda wonder "is she talking to her imaginary friends? err- weirdo" -- But, sekarang baru ku tahu~

2) Typical woman lah
Azmul says I'm weird because at one time I goes like a purring cat "Azzmuulll....", and at another time "Huh? Apa?  Apa dia?  Sibuk je kamu ni..Banyak lagi keje nak buat nii..tak paham paham..Menyampah" -- by which he still finds it difficult to understand me.  Weellll (guiltily), it's not weird.  It's just what we call 'WOMAN syndrome'.  Haha..Hey, don't blame us.  We are blessed with this periodic cycle thing, and we're the one to bear with the unpredictable PMS-moody thingy.

3) Nail biter
Nothing weird -- I bite my nail especially when doing something intently, or when thinking too much, or when staring at the PC for 8.5 straight hours, or when watching tv and commercial breaks -- and this can be summarised as : I bite my nail especially when my fingernail is long, when it have that white stripes at the top section.  So, I'm not a nail biter if all my fingernail is nicely trimmed.  That's just bad habit.  Ana says my nail biting habit is gross because everytime after I bit it, I'll try to smooth the staggered damage done by scratching the nail at the chair -- macam kucing.  And that is done spontaneusly.

4) Lip biter
Huh..i do love to bite..  Well, everybody bit their lips -- but then I tend to bit my lips especially when it is dry and berkopak kopak and is not smooth enough.  So, off they go the 'extra' skins on the lips, and whalla -- blood starts pouring out -- huh, what am I saying..?  Okie, I'm a "marsokis" (not sure how it is spelled) -- as Ana mentioned.  A marsokis is somebody that have pleasure by hurting themselves.  I didn't hurt myself, I only slightly injure it unintentionally.   

5) Ketchup -- as in kicap
Aku hantu kicap.  Eating nasi lauk ayam bakar mestilah nasi itu dicucuri dengan kicap.  Baru masyuukk..  I ate keropok with kicap if no tomato or chilli sauce around, I ate nasi berlauk tomyam and kuahnya dengan kicap, I can't miss kicap even if emak cooks nasi goreng, or bihun goreng sekalipun.  And I freaked out if somebody eating at warung Pak Ali took the kicap away from its usual places and not returning it to their original place.  Kicap is a sacred creation!  No, kicap won't make your skin as dark as a kicap itself, instead it just takes time for your skin to heal if it's injured. 

6) What else??  Six weirdness is too much laa.  I'm just a normal plain girl, who seems to be lost in her own world.  Oww..Now i'm starting to remember one really weird thing about me when I was in my 10-14 years of age.  I ate paper.  Yes, paper as in paper that is used to print out stories and the one that you flips through to get to the end of the storybook.  I ate paper.  That is the ultimate weirdness that I don't practise today.  I'm not even sure why I did that, it's not spontaneous, in fact, it is done deliberately.  To be specific, with the "enid blyton 5 penyiasat" or "si kembar masuk sekolah menengah" kind of book.  For those inherited my vast collection of so-called-siri-remaja itu, they'll find plenty of pages that is torn here and there at the edges macam kena makan dengan tikus.  Well, tikus didn't do that.  I did!  Haha.  It's not that I'm too hungry or something.  Maybe at that age I tend to swallow anything that looks good although it doesn't necessarily taste good.

Hmm.. I should stop here before any freaking weirdness that I used to posess starts popping out of my head.  So, as stated in the rules there, I have to tag another six person.  Macam main kejar-kejar masa skool dulu, you tend to tag those who tag you.  So can I tag her again this time?  Eheh... Anyway, let's see..  Let's tag whoever it is!

idzerq- for your vocab yang power giler
fairy (though I know u're too bz-konon with your finals)
melur desa (now I remember u've tagged me once)
farizzet (for slow updates)
fariskw (for visiting)
zed (again for slow updates)

Subject :
Yan  

Status :
Ex-housemate

Duration of stay :
1.5 months

Degree of damage :
* Lost of my penyangkut baju that was meant for ironed item
* Lost of big plastic box that was meant for kain buruk storage
* Lost of hand soap -- banyak lagi tu isii!!!
* Lost of super cool black plug
* Lost of all alas kaki
* Kidnappping of Cumi - the super fat stray cat
* Nearly burnt kitchen -- traces of fire is still evident
* Damaged of my one and only singe-stove - this relates with the nearly burnt kitchen point.
* Damaged carpet -- unknown cause of spillage
* Damaged metal cloths hangar - possibly caused by some big monyet climbing on that already weak structure to disassemble their Astro.
* Dirty toilet with disgusting uncleaned sink.
* Plenty of empty shampoo + soap + facial cleanser bottles.
* Disgusting traces of unknown liquid in her room.

Remark:
Itu tak sampai 2 bulan pon.  Imagine if she stayed for another year..??Pulangkan...pulangkaaaannn..  Just because you left the house, doesn't mean you have the right to take all my stuff!!  And doesn't mean that Cumi is the stray cat, you have the right to take her away!!  I miss Cumi~~

Subject :
Azmul

Status :
Current partner

Duration of stay :
2.5 years, and still counting.

Degree of damage :
* A set of constantly injured heart
* A piece of corrupted soul 
* Oh.. and a so-called-a-la-la-land-relationship.

Remark :
That one - i tell you - is lust, not love~  And I'm still in doubt how I managed to survive the past 2 years.

Last Saturday, our company punyer annual family day, at the star hill resort kempas.  It's quite fascinating to see people (esp the ladies) uses this kind of activity as an excuse to show-off the hair, or the legs.  Ermm, especially the legs -- that includes the betis and the peha la of course. 

But who am I to judge all this.  I've done something a lot worse, and thus I don't think I deserve even an inch of flea to criticise them.  It's just that the thought of showing off the body part to the colleagues, whom you see every week, nicely dressed, with your tudung and long trousers -- and to see a different persona on that particular day -- it feels weird. 

I have some kind of obsession with guys that have goatee a.k.a janggut kambing with a debab-debab kind of body structure.   And so I got a crush with somebody from the workplace that fits the criteria above.  With goatee, guys not only looks charming, but in a way seems somewhat religious and you can simply depend on them (that is from my eyes point of view-lah).  So, what if on that event, this "guy with goatee that looks adorably charming and religious" to you wears an above knee bermuda?  Undeniably he looks hot and sexy, but In a way, the soothing thought of "maybe he's the religious type" doesn't seem to matter so much anymore.

Why do we tend to judge people with how they dress or how they present themselves?  Does a tudung-ed and an-all-time-baju-kurung-ed and a devoted long-sleeved-fashion sense means that you're a nice girl inside out? Or an all-time-kopiah- or janggut-sampai-dada shows your high religious level?  I used to have that thought -- how you present yourself is who you are.  But remember the sensational tepi tangga Vista Angkasa issue?  She's making out while maintaining the baju kurung outfit.  Well, most people might say that girl is a disgrace to the "baju kurung" community, but it all goes down to the point that what you wear is not exactly who you are.  People can simply fake their style to let other people see them as someone that is not-them.

Ape aku bebelkan nih..?  Well, in a way, I tried to maintain my dressing style as per during the student years (zaman budak baik-baik), but sometimes, I still "bocor-bocor" here and there~  And it's quite pathetic/demoralizing of me to even have the thought of why other people wear shorts or exhibit their hair during family day when me myself have done something similar, and might do the same thing, or even something worse.  In a way, this entry is meant to trash my own self..haha~

And what the hell am I doing having a crush at the workplace when I am already attached with somebody?  Well dearie, the thing about having a partner is that, u tend look for someone that have a package that your partner doesn't seem to possess.  Since I am not legally attached with "tunang-tunang" or "kahwin-kahwin" kind of thing, might as well I enjoy the freedom while I still can.  In the end, how I wish that these 2 different person will merge and become one miraculously -- and if only I found that somebody, then the heart will rest peacefully knowing that I have finally found the other half. 

Psst...the crush is in one the pictures..hehehe (smile sheepishly~) ;-)

I'm so pissed off right now with all the banks in the entire Malaysia.  Huh, sebab nila setitik, memang aku sepah-sepahkan susu sebelanga!! 

The case is, I was planning to keep the excess money with me in ASNB, just for the sake to avoid the evil-me from unnecessarily using it to purchase whatever-thing-that-is-so-called-unnecessary-lah.  Considering my working hour as a private sector slave is from 8.00am - 5.30pm, so of course the only time I am able to go to the bank is during my 45 minutes break.  Oh, by the way, the bank is only open five days a week, from 9.15am - 4.30pm -- way not within the accessible time for US, workers!  And pathetically to deal anything regarding ASNB or ASW or whatever this people call it is only via the bank counter, no online service for this pathetic system.  So, after withdrawing the money, aku try sekodeng at the BSN branch -- ok, lunch hour, full of people, and only ONE-bloody counter in open.  Typical government kind of service.  Too selfish to miss my lunch, heck -- i left the building to join the collegue.

So, in the evening I requested from the boss to settle the bank-thing considering the work-load at the office is not so heavy.  Reach at Maybank Pasir Gudang, go to enquiry and lucky me - they say the ASNB agent has left at 4pm.  Ok, at least that guy says it politely.  However, devastated, I walked away from Maybank, caught a glimpse of the time at my phone and just realised that it's not even 4pm yet, it's 3.55pm for God's sake.   I'm being paranoia, but 3.55pm is not 4.00pm.  The punch card will mark you red if you exit the building for only 2 minutes earlier.  The point it 3.55pm is NOT 4.00pm!!

Very determined to try my luck, I hurriedly go to CIMB branch pulak, the building next to Maybank.  Oh, I thought I am really lucky because there's a guy at the ASNB counter.  Hurriedly, aku pegi in front of that counter, baru je nak bukak mulut cakap "Tumpang tanya ---"  that guy went away, to the other counter, chatting with the lady from that counter, and completely ignored me!  Okie, I know I'm not tantalizing enough, but I am standing there macam org bodoh and these people think they can ignore us - their customer - just like that, that is super-rude!

So, bile that guy came back to the ASNB counter, he said that it's closed at 4pm without making any effort to say it politely or even make a friendly eye contact -- instead he's too busy looking for his documents scattered at that place.  Memang angin aku dah sampai atas kepala at that time by which I almost shouted "There's another 2 minutes to 4o'clock!!"  and good for him that I manage to put it out politely -- except that few eyes started looking at my direction.  Again, he ignored me.

Memang naik hanggiiinn wa cakap lu!!!!!

So, blurt it out to the collegue.  They asked "Which one is that?"
"A guy.  Rambut panjang-panjang sikit.."
"Haaa...patut laa dia tak layan hang."
"Nape?"
"Dia yang bapuk tu la.  Dkt CIMB tu mmg ada sorang aww-aww ckit..ahahah!!!  Hang bukan jantan, buat apa dia nak layan hang...ahaha"
"Owww..betul laa.. Lupe.  Hari ni takde pulak dia make-up.  Patutlah tak kenal.  PMS kot.~"

Darn... diskriminasi btol.  At least they managed to put a smile at my face.

Remember the advert that Malaysian government sibuk hoo-haa around about the improved Malaysian service?  Well, forget it, don't be fooled people, it is so not true.  We are still far from it!  Period!