Subject :
Yan  

Status :
Ex-housemate

Duration of stay :
1.5 months

Degree of damage :
* Lost of my penyangkut baju that was meant for ironed item
* Lost of big plastic box that was meant for kain buruk storage
* Lost of hand soap -- banyak lagi tu isii!!!
* Lost of super cool black plug
* Lost of all alas kaki
* Kidnappping of Cumi - the super fat stray cat
* Nearly burnt kitchen -- traces of fire is still evident
* Damaged of my one and only singe-stove - this relates with the nearly burnt kitchen point.
* Damaged carpet -- unknown cause of spillage
* Damaged metal cloths hangar - possibly caused by some big monyet climbing on that already weak structure to disassemble their Astro.
* Dirty toilet with disgusting uncleaned sink.
* Plenty of empty shampoo + soap + facial cleanser bottles.
* Disgusting traces of unknown liquid in her room.

Remark:
Itu tak sampai 2 bulan pon.  Imagine if she stayed for another year..??Pulangkan...pulangkaaaannn..  Just because you left the house, doesn't mean you have the right to take all my stuff!!  And doesn't mean that Cumi is the stray cat, you have the right to take her away!!  I miss Cumi~~

Subject :
Azmul

Status :
Current partner

Duration of stay :
2.5 years, and still counting.

Degree of damage :
* A set of constantly injured heart
* A piece of corrupted soul 
* Oh.. and a so-called-a-la-la-land-relationship.

Remark :
That one - i tell you - is lust, not love~  And I'm still in doubt how I managed to survive the past 2 years.

Last Saturday, our company punyer annual family day, at the star hill resort kempas.  It's quite fascinating to see people (esp the ladies) uses this kind of activity as an excuse to show-off the hair, or the legs.  Ermm, especially the legs -- that includes the betis and the peha la of course. 

But who am I to judge all this.  I've done something a lot worse, and thus I don't think I deserve even an inch of flea to criticise them.  It's just that the thought of showing off the body part to the colleagues, whom you see every week, nicely dressed, with your tudung and long trousers -- and to see a different persona on that particular day -- it feels weird. 

I have some kind of obsession with guys that have goatee a.k.a janggut kambing with a debab-debab kind of body structure.   And so I got a crush with somebody from the workplace that fits the criteria above.  With goatee, guys not only looks charming, but in a way seems somewhat religious and you can simply depend on them (that is from my eyes point of view-lah).  So, what if on that event, this "guy with goatee that looks adorably charming and religious" to you wears an above knee bermuda?  Undeniably he looks hot and sexy, but In a way, the soothing thought of "maybe he's the religious type" doesn't seem to matter so much anymore.

Why do we tend to judge people with how they dress or how they present themselves?  Does a tudung-ed and an-all-time-baju-kurung-ed and a devoted long-sleeved-fashion sense means that you're a nice girl inside out? Or an all-time-kopiah- or janggut-sampai-dada shows your high religious level?  I used to have that thought -- how you present yourself is who you are.  But remember the sensational tepi tangga Vista Angkasa issue?  She's making out while maintaining the baju kurung outfit.  Well, most people might say that girl is a disgrace to the "baju kurung" community, but it all goes down to the point that what you wear is not exactly who you are.  People can simply fake their style to let other people see them as someone that is not-them.

Ape aku bebelkan nih..?  Well, in a way, I tried to maintain my dressing style as per during the student years (zaman budak baik-baik), but sometimes, I still "bocor-bocor" here and there~  And it's quite pathetic/demoralizing of me to even have the thought of why other people wear shorts or exhibit their hair during family day when me myself have done something similar, and might do the same thing, or even something worse.  In a way, this entry is meant to trash my own self..haha~

And what the hell am I doing having a crush at the workplace when I am already attached with somebody?  Well dearie, the thing about having a partner is that, u tend look for someone that have a package that your partner doesn't seem to possess.  Since I am not legally attached with "tunang-tunang" or "kahwin-kahwin" kind of thing, might as well I enjoy the freedom while I still can.  In the end, how I wish that these 2 different person will merge and become one miraculously -- and if only I found that somebody, then the heart will rest peacefully knowing that I have finally found the other half. 

Psst...the crush is in one the pictures..hehehe (smile sheepishly~) ;-)

I'm so pissed off right now with all the banks in the entire Malaysia.  Huh, sebab nila setitik, memang aku sepah-sepahkan susu sebelanga!! 

The case is, I was planning to keep the excess money with me in ASNB, just for the sake to avoid the evil-me from unnecessarily using it to purchase whatever-thing-that-is-so-called-unnecessary-lah.  Considering my working hour as a private sector slave is from 8.00am - 5.30pm, so of course the only time I am able to go to the bank is during my 45 minutes break.  Oh, by the way, the bank is only open five days a week, from 9.15am - 4.30pm -- way not within the accessible time for US, workers!  And pathetically to deal anything regarding ASNB or ASW or whatever this people call it is only via the bank counter, no online service for this pathetic system.  So, after withdrawing the money, aku try sekodeng at the BSN branch -- ok, lunch hour, full of people, and only ONE-bloody counter in open.  Typical government kind of service.  Too selfish to miss my lunch, heck -- i left the building to join the collegue.

So, in the evening I requested from the boss to settle the bank-thing considering the work-load at the office is not so heavy.  Reach at Maybank Pasir Gudang, go to enquiry and lucky me - they say the ASNB agent has left at 4pm.  Ok, at least that guy says it politely.  However, devastated, I walked away from Maybank, caught a glimpse of the time at my phone and just realised that it's not even 4pm yet, it's 3.55pm for God's sake.   I'm being paranoia, but 3.55pm is not 4.00pm.  The punch card will mark you red if you exit the building for only 2 minutes earlier.  The point it 3.55pm is NOT 4.00pm!!

Very determined to try my luck, I hurriedly go to CIMB branch pulak, the building next to Maybank.  Oh, I thought I am really lucky because there's a guy at the ASNB counter.  Hurriedly, aku pegi in front of that counter, baru je nak bukak mulut cakap "Tumpang tanya ---"  that guy went away, to the other counter, chatting with the lady from that counter, and completely ignored me!  Okie, I know I'm not tantalizing enough, but I am standing there macam org bodoh and these people think they can ignore us - their customer - just like that, that is super-rude!

So, bile that guy came back to the ASNB counter, he said that it's closed at 4pm without making any effort to say it politely or even make a friendly eye contact -- instead he's too busy looking for his documents scattered at that place.  Memang angin aku dah sampai atas kepala at that time by which I almost shouted "There's another 2 minutes to 4o'clock!!"  and good for him that I manage to put it out politely -- except that few eyes started looking at my direction.  Again, he ignored me.

Memang naik hanggiiinn wa cakap lu!!!!!

So, blurt it out to the collegue.  They asked "Which one is that?"
"A guy.  Rambut panjang-panjang sikit.."
"Haaa...patut laa dia tak layan hang."
"Nape?"
"Dia yang bapuk tu la.  Dkt CIMB tu mmg ada sorang aww-aww ckit..ahahah!!!  Hang bukan jantan, buat apa dia nak layan hang...ahaha"
"Owww..betul laa.. Lupe.  Hari ni takde pulak dia make-up.  Patutlah tak kenal.  PMS kot.~"

Darn... diskriminasi btol.  At least they managed to put a smile at my face.

Remember the advert that Malaysian government sibuk hoo-haa around about the improved Malaysian service?  Well, forget it, don't be fooled people, it is so not true.  We are still far from it!  Period!

Gong Xi Fa Cai -- tahun ni tahun babiiieee... Do u realise that the piggy year is not so commercially publicised in media as the tahun naga or tahun monkey or tahun-tahun yang lain?  See -- I told u, the censorship mentality..  I was born in the piggy year.  Nothing to be proud of -- so, let's start babi-ing!!  Ahaha -- I don't know what is getting into me, just the pleasure of saying all those restricted words.

Anyway, I've cleared myself about the housemate thingy.  Daripada aku kumpul sakit hati ku ini, alas, I directly requested the housemate to look for a new place by April - fullstop - without any additional reason or justification on my action.  See -- I'm kind enough to let her stay for another month.  Since I'm spending the holiday in Subang, I just text her, not interested in hearing her plead nor moan about how she is doing sebab hati ku sangatlaa lembuutt and aku jadi cair macam air batu dipanah matahari bile ada orang memujuk rayu meminta ihsan kasihan simpatiku.  All I want is for her to move out -- that's it. 

So, when she replied, she says that she truly understand why I did that, and she'll start packing on March.  That's a relief on my side -- but her text has this additional note -- "sebenarnya, duit tak cukup lagi nak pindah awal, tapi takpela, bulan 3 ni Yan start pindah.. Takpe, Yan faham.."..

Have you watched "You've Got Mail"?  I've been watching that movie for -- more than 5 times -- and there is this part where Meg Ryan finally have the guts to badmouth Tom Hanks right to his face, and she thought that it's a success from her side, but instead she was haunted with guilt because no matter how bad that guy is, she still has no right to hurt his feelings.

So -- that's how I'm feeling right now.  I thought I've won this battle, but instead, somehow, it doesn't feel right.  Am I over-reacting over the whole issue?  Considering she is already pregnant 6 month..??    Don't I have any feelings..??  I'm a woman too, I should understand another woman's feelings.. (it's just that I'm not the one pregnant here..)..  I am so heartless to ask her to move out without telling her any specific reason -- I'm being unkind to another soul!!  I'm babi-ing another person!!   

This is how aku pujuk diriku ini.  She can't use the excuse of "not having enough money yet" because she already installed Astro in her room, which cost RM100 for installation alone, additional RMxx amount for the monthly service, and another RM100 for un-installation.  All that amount is enough for her to find another place to stay.  If she don't have enough money, then the Astro issue should not rise in the first place.

Additional point, it's good enough for me to politely ask her to move out without telling the exact excuse because else, it would make matter worse.  At least, I still have the courtesy to avoid making her feeling the lowest low in the world. 

And it's good enough for me to text her, because -- I'm a chicken!!  Arghh.... the feeling is sooo unsensational!!  Anyway, at least I indirectly confronted her -- better to hear the words from me, rather from my Kak Lang.  I told Kak Lang about the whole issue, and she is so determined to kick Yan out.  So, I can't involve the 3rd party about this -- it's my problem, and I'm the one that should end it!  Wow -- cakap macam hero pulak!  Syesh~

Abah ku sudah OK

My father is still not talking to me, but this time, at least he didn't avoid himself when I'm around.  So, aku lega la, and I really hope that he'll enjoy the cookies that I make.  Hey, his other daughters don't really have any passion in baking - except me - bila rajin je la -- or bila nak bodek orang - ahaha.

My mummy-cat dah kurus.  I think she misses me so much that she protested by practicing un-healthy diet on herself.  So, being home, I can't help menyumbat her with all the canned foods.  I repeatedly told emak to stop feeding her with the biscuits, because Mummy-cat already loss all her sharp pointed teeth, and it's hard for her to chew those biscuits.  I sounded like a psycho -- but then, it's easier to understand my cat than to understand human beings.

Another sign that abah ku sudah OK is that he's letting my mummy cat sleep inside the house.  Normally, everytime budak kuning tu step at the front doorstep, he'll be hushing her away from far.  But yesterday emak told me that instead of hushing her away, abah actually called her to come in.  Hehehe.. I'm so proud of my abah!

Meeting ol' mates

Went to a mini reunion with makcik kudut and cik lin -- and additional pakcik.  Although it's just a short makan-makan kind of thing and despite the fact that the go-kart plan is cancelled last minute, but then -- I'm so happy to meet them again.  You know, when you meet with ol' friends, you are filled up with undescribable emotions -- some feelings that brings you back to the past, and the sweet memories, and how soothing to hear them chit-chatting like the old times and the fact that they didn't change much and they are still the way they are.  Like I say -- it's undescribable -- it's hard for me to put it in words.

Anyway, the mini-gath manage to heat up my dreams of making my own line of business.  The dream is fading (due to insufficient present reminders).  Yet, when Cik Lin says "Hey..macam mana dengan bisnes ko?  Jadi ke nak buat?  Aku dah bosan la keje aku sekarang.." the thought kinda struck me that I should be more serious in making that dream a reality.  Somebody remembers that I have a dream, and I should make it a reality..  How-lah...

Do you realize that censorship is so obvious in our society that we are brought up with the idea of saying bad words is considered taboo, to say something about politic might throw you in the ISA, to be overly-outspoken will make you being ditched by the community and to say "fuck-off" will cause your mom to scream hysterically and your father end up spanking your arse until u repent -- Hmm -- ok, I'm just exaggerating.  Haha~  But the idea of censorship actually makes us live in a world full of -- suppressed fighter --

What does censorship has to do with me, you might ask?  Okieyyyy -- I am in a situation where I feel like kicking-out the housemate, but to avoid being an evil non-sensitive heartless person, I am in a total dilemma what is the best way to get rid of her. 

Here's what happened yesterday.  Yan SMS-ed me (read previous entry), and here is what I feel like replying:

Okie, what the hell, who cares. I don't like you, just get the hell out of that house.

Err...Rough sangat laa..  Plus she couldn't really understand English.  Here's my second option:

Yan, bulan ni ada orang baru nak masuk.  Sebenarnya, saya nak cari org ganti awak pun.  Kenapa lambat sangat nak cari rumah lain?  Nak seribu daya, tak nak seribu dalih (ewah) .. Awak tu pun dah kahwin, duduk je lah dengan husband awak.  Dia pun keje dekat Pasir Gudang je, bukan jauh sgt pon..duh!  Awak tu pun dah tak keje.  Sedar la diri tu, perut dah membulat, takkan nak expect saya jadi mak bidan kot..? 

Hmm.. Next!!!

Yan, bulan ni ada orang baru masuk.  Saya rasa skarang ni elok Yan cari rumah lain.  Bukan nak halau ke apa, (memang nak halau pun) tapi saya rasa lagi baik kalau Yan duduk je dengan suami Yan, lagi jimat daripada duduk asing-asing.  Lagipun kena gak buat persediaan nak sambut baby baru (yang ke-3, takkan tak reti-reti lagi), takkan time dah nak meletup tu baru terhegeh-hegeh nak cari rumah kooott..

And I end up replying her SMS with this:

Kay, macam ni Yan.  Bulan ni ada orang baru nak masuk bilik lagi satu tu.  Pasal husband Yan tu, saya pun lega lah jugak.  Kawan saya tu pun takkan datang rumah selalu sangat dah.  Sebenarnya, saya rasa lagi elok Yan cari rumah lain sebelum bersalin sebab dalam kes ni lagi baik kalau husband Yan yang jaga Yan, mana tau jadi apa ape ke, takkan biar Yan sorang sorang..

So, there!!  Nice and polite, plenty hidden hints, hopefully enough to make her understand.  But, here's what she replied:

Thanks Azean faham.  Yan ikut je kata Azean, Yan tengah usaha cari rumah lain ni.  Sebelum baby keluar lagi yang pindah.  Mungkin awal bulan 5 Yan pindah..

Huhuuhuhu... That's the effect of extreme censorship.

So, yesterday, come back home with a lot of things going in my mind.  Quite relieved to find out that Yan is not at home -- i distaste the idea of her around.  So, passes by Yan's bedroom, and kinda sensed something monkey is going on...

Guess what did I found -- she recently installed ASTRO in her room without my consent!  Suka-suki dia je apply for renovation/installation/what ever it is without telling me -- setakat nak pasang dalam bilik tu, might as well dia cari rumah sendiri, pasang dekat rumah dia sendiri!  What is her problem laaa..~  This is not a rumah tumpangan -- it is an apartment meant to be shared by people who respect each other by telling the other if you are renovating or whatever it is in the house!!!!  And she is not staying there long -- for God's sake, what the hell is she doing installing ASTRO in the short time interval??  Buduh -- and some-more she told me the husband tengah kumpul modal nak sewa rumah lain yadda yadda yadda -- and what the fish is she doing installing ASTRO..??  For fun??  Spending money when u desperately need money is no fun dude!!  Mentaliti dasyat gilerrrr~  Ingat aku buduh gak ke..?  Buduh~

Tgh aku mengamuk-amuk dalam bilik tu, I heard her annoying car passes by the house -- duh, the one and only bunyi enjin semput -- I know that sound from far laa..  And instead parking in front of the house, she parked at the house next-next-next to mine. And a guy came out from that car, doing whatever-whatever, and goes back with his motorbike.  Thinking that I am buduh enough not to recognise her car's sound, she get back tu the car, make a U-turn, and park in front of the house -- as if she just came back.  She couldn't really see me spying on her since my window is nicely tinted.  What is she doing hiding this and that macam orang salah?  If you're not doing anything wrong, why must u act a stupid hiding plot like that?  Useless!

Geram geram geram geram geram -- but couldn't really shout it out loud in front of her face -- yeah, the censorship mentality... 

Boleh tak cakap macam ni:

Hai Cik Yan -- memandangkan saya rasa awak dah ada banyak duit extra nak install hapekemende dekat rumah ni, saya assume laa awak dah cukup modal nak cari rumah lain.  Macam ni la, saya bagi awak masa sebulan ni untuk cari rumah lain. 

Or

I don't like you, so please move out from the house ASAP!

Or

Saya kena transfer pegi Jepun.  Sewa rumah ni sebulan rm50,000 -- kalau awak nak duduk cni, awak bayar laa yee..byeee..~

Or

Your are marrried, the best place for you is with your husband.  He can come and go in this house as if it is your house, since then I don't really like you.  And I realised u've installed ASTRO in ur room?  What for....??  If u rent another house in the future, just install it there laa..   Why do u need to waste money in this 'temporary' place?  And awak tu dah nak beranak -- 4 bulan je lagi.  Tak reti2 nak prepare apa-apa yang patut utk the coming baby?  Ingat beranak ni tak pakai duit?  Main push-push-scream je ke?  Knock knock!  Ingat balik dekat anak awak dua org dekat kampung tu, takde rasa nak tanggung ke anak2 sendiri...?? 

If only I am an evil, non-sensitive, heartless bitch ---

Any help?

I am very fond of our head Key Account Manager (KAM), Kawamura san.  He is a very respectable man in Japan, a pakcik-pakcik with plenty of uban, and a very polite and humble one.  He still remembers my name although I get to see him only once a month during the **MOM week.  Everytime he comes down to Malaysia, he would make an effort to compliment me on the work done, or the least to thank me for clarifying an eettsie-beetsie-tiny-miny issues to his subordinates. 

I first met him regarding the Pioneer project -- my first ever project that goes through mass-pro.  Made a simple presentation aided by my boss, and it's very soothing to hear him say "you're doing a very good job Mas --" or "ooo..very good...very good" or "aaaa...i see..thank you, thank you Mas" with his Japanese slanga.  I really adore him since then.

And next comes the AVON project.  He comes to the design office and say "Aahh...good job Mas.  It is good enough.  Very creative of you to think of that solution.  Sometimes crazy ideas can turn into something real.  it is a good effort..  Something out of the box.."  I was -- stunned.  It was like the best compliment ever.  It is as if he really understand how nerve wrecking to come out with the final proposal.  The first proposal was rejected by my boss, and the boss added up by making fun of my first proposal.  That's how I come out with second one, thank you God!  Somebody really understand the strenuous pain I've gone through in the first place.

And just now, he came to the office and thank me personally for clarifying a veeerryyyy tiny issue to the KAM in China.  Again -- aku tak percaya nyee.. It was a very simple issue, keciiikk punye.  And the way he thanked me -- really make me looked up to him even more. 

It's not that I am desperate for compliments or something, it's just that the feeling to have somebody that appreciate your hard-work (and not-so-hard-work) and effort -- makes you feel worth it to be sitting in your seat right now.  And to have a compliment from a Japanese guy, head of KAM lagi tu, is something cool to brag about.  Haha..  If all Japanese people is as polite and humble as Kawamura san, I would love to stay there once in a lifetime -- the coming future, perhaps?

*MOM - meeting of the month

Housemate baru

Already found a new candidate as housemate baru -- hopefully it's not a bad decision.  My dad already warned me about this-- about the housemate thingy -- about getting somebody that u kinda dislike -- about somebody that did not pay the rent on time --but hey, look at the brighter side.  At least, I experienced it, and to experience something is the most valuable lessons in life.  That will make me remember it for a lifetime.  Macam kau nak ajar budak kecik "jangan main dekat situ, panas.." -- the more u say "jangan", the more degil they will become.  So, let the budak kecik feel the heat, and that will automatically teach them.  Yelaa, aku bukan budak kecik, but the concept of human nature is similar-lah.

Just now Yan, the housemate yang aku mau kick-out itu sms-ed me : "Askum, Azean jgn susah hati lagi.  Husband Yan dah tak datang tido umah ni lagi.  Coz dia dah faham ni umah perempuan.  Lega hati Yan dia dah faham.  Ape pun, Azean tak perlu risau lagi ye.  Yan mintak izin nak sewa bilik ni sampai bulan 6, bila baby dah keluar, Yan terus pindah.  Yan janji bayar sewa tak sangkut lagi.  Harap Azean faham ye.."

Okie -- firstly, she spelled my name wrongly, and I already told her Azian is not my main name -- Same thing if the name is Siti Nurhaliza, would Siti Nurhaliza react if u call her Nurha or Haliz or Iza?  No --

About the husband thingy, ketahui laa cik Yan, lega lagi hati saya. 

Erm, to move out until bulan 6 is a bit too long.  Even if she promised to pay on time, the feeling of disliking her in the first place already blinds my eyes of having her as my housemate.  And I don't want you to move out bile baby DAH keluar!!  You should move BEFORE the baby is out.  That is 2 different thing!  Do you expect me to rush you to the hospital if the time has come..??  Aiyo, manyak susah woo~~ 

Another fight

Yadda yadda yadda -- another silent kind of fight with Azmul.  How annoying for him to say that "macam mana ni kalau dah kahwin, mintak tolong buat air pun susah.... Air teh je..bla bla bla..macam mana nak jadi isteri...bla bla bla"  First of all, we are not even married for God's sake!  And to make a cup of tea for him would only further a due his time in my house.  Get out, get out, ini rumah org perempuan -- something that he did not faham until now. 

I might not be a good wife to him, but I don't think he would make a good husband to me.  Eww, this thing about married life, really freaks me out.  Sape nak kahwin dengan Azmul?  Truthfully saying, I enjoyed being his partner, but the idea of getting married -- Azmul is not such a good choice -- yet.

Jahat gile cakap macam tu dkt balak sendiri -- but that's a plain fact, he is not a good candidate for a long term commitment -  yet.  So, what the fish am I doing by being his girlfriend?  The thing is, if I am not around, he would be spending his time melepak at kedai kopi perabih beras mak bapak, he would not further his education, he would not be considering serious cari gaji kind of work, he would not have any target in life, and worse, he would mix around with his ganja consumer friends (yg konon satu kepala) that tukar girlfriend macam tukar baju and suka-suka screw that girl and the other girl and the other girl.  All I want is for him to be somebody respectable.  At least I tried, but now he depends on me too much..  Tiring laa pamper org lain nih -- I need somebody to pamper me la pulak~

Yesterday, he said "saya benci awak" -- for the stupid tak nak buat air teh thing -- and today he says sorry and say he still loves me.. Pblergh -- u said u hate me when u fell like it, and now u think my heart can mend itself with that chaep stocks of yours..as if laa~~

But undeniably he looks good in the pictures...  Him and his goatee ~~ huhuhuh~